Happy Pride Month to Everyone Reading This!!
Progressive Pride Flag
Blog by Riley of Virtually Riley
In honor of Pride, I wanted to write about something near and dear to my heart: exploring your gender identity.
To start, I want to share a bit about my own gender journey. Up until college, I didn’t even know that trans people existed. I called myself a tomboy all through my academic career because that is how other people described me and I didn’t know that there was an option for me other than being a girl.
Over the next few years I slowly realized I related to how other trans individuals experienced their own identities and I began to explore myself. I now identify as nonbinary and am continually exploring my identity and my unique experience of gender in order to better understand myself and become a truer version of me with every passing day.
This post is going to be me sharing the different ways I have found to explore my identity and find words that describe my experience but, before I get into that, I wanted to give a couple of disclaimers.
First, there is absolutely no harm in exploring your gender! You are not taking away resources or invalidating other peoples’ experiences. Even if you end up merely solidifying that you are cisgender, I encourage everyone to take a critical look at how they experience gender at least once in their lives.
Second, exploring this aspect of yourself has the potential to bring up some intense feelings. If you feel like you need support and are under the age of 25, or just want a starting point for your own research, I highly recommend checking out the Trevor Project and/or reaching out to your therapist.
Third, not everyone needs a label. I find them helpful because it gives me words to describe my experience but some people are fine without them so try not to stress about finding the perfect label for you. Now let’s get into it!
Experiment with Your Style
This is honestly my favorite method of exploration. Head over to your local second hand store and pick up a couple pieces that you are curious about! This could be a skirt, dress, button up shirt, a tie, etc. Then try it on and see how it makes you feel! I have found that a lot of people who don’t experience dysphoria (or don’t know if they do or not) will try on new clothes and it will give them a sense of relief, excitement, or euphoria! Paying attention to how your body responds to these experiences can provide a lot of insight so go ahead and play around with your clothes, your hair, makeup, etc. and see how you feel! You can do this in the comfort of your own home, room, or a supportive friend’s place without having to worry about other people’s input.
Take Quizzes Online
I acknowledge that this is among the silliest of the ways to explore your identity but I did it alot at first so I felt the need to include it. While an online quiz or flow chart cannot actually tell you what your gender identity is, it does help get you thinking. Some quizzes have questions that are good to ask yourself and contemplate while others are not all that thought provoking so your mileage may vary. It is also a fast and low stakes way to introduce yourself to labels and terms you may want to research further!
Talk to Gender Diverse People
A common experience I have seen in people who are just realizing they are not cisgender is that they say something along the lines of “I have experience x but everyone feels that way!” and then someone in the LGBT community has to break it to them that no, not everyone feels that way and it is actually a really common experience for people who are not cisgender. That is one of the many reasons I recommend finding gender diverse individuals who are open about their experiences. This could be someone who posts LGBT content online, or a close friend of yours. Learning about how others experience their gender and their unique journey can help you identify any similarities you may have in your own experiences.
I do want to say that no one is required to answer your questions and you are not entitled to answers, but a lot of times, if you preface it with an explanation that you are exploring your own identity and are not coming from a place of judgment, there are many people open to talking about their experience. PLEASE don’t ask anyone about medical specifics unless they have expressly told you that that is ok. It is an incredibly personal topic and those questions can be really invasive when asked out of the blue.